Why Your Team Sucks 2. Tampa Bay Buccaneers.

Some people are fans of the Tampa Bay Bucs. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Tampa Bay Bucs. This 2. 01. 7 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group. Read all the previews so far here. Your team: Tampa Bay Bucs. Your 2. 01. 6 record: 9- 7. In those seven losses, the Bucs gave up nearly five touchdowns a game.

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Derek Carr hung 5. Raiders committed 2. The Rams hung 3. 7 on them somehow. This is a rough estimate, but 9.

Tavon Austin’s total receiving yards last year came against the Bucs. But please keep telling me that this is an up- and- coming defense. This team still starts Chris Conte.

During real games, no less! Your coach: Dirk Koetter. I don’t think I’m going to forget how.” Well actually, Dirk, in your NFL career your teams have had a winning percentage below . So it’s not that you’ve forgotten how to call plays, but rather the fact that you never learned how to call them to begin with. By the way, the Bucs were this season’s designated Hard Knocks victim.

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Tickets for Concerts, Sports, Theatre and More Online at TicketsInventory.com. 8332 DVDs / movies. At a press conference on Sunday, angry citizens ran off Jason Kessler, the organizer of a disastrous rally for white supremacists, neo-Nazis and other members of the.

Later this week, genre-focused streaming network Shudder will be releasing all four chapters of Neil Gaiman’s Likely Stories, short-film adaptations of strange and. The world is often cruel and without reason. The Nissan Pao exists. So there’s that. The AOL.com video experience serves up the best video content from AOL and around the web, curating informative and entertaining snackable videos. Some people are fans of the Tampa Bay Bucs. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Tampa Bay Bucs. This 2017 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the.

Let’s see what kind of EXCLUSIVE ACCESS we’ve been given into Koetter and his coaching methods. Christ. Honestly, it’s like they just draw slogans out of a hat every year. Your quarterback: Congratulations, Jameis Winston!

Your sexual battery case was finally dismissed after reaching an undisclosed settlement with your accuser! Finally, you can put this whole ordeal behind you.

What a hardship it must have been. Now Jameis is free to be a “leader” who “absorbs the playbook like a sponge” and “routinely commits turnovers that belong in silent comedies”: Every time I gotta read some horseshit about Jameis’s uncommon maturity and growth as a passer, it’s like people completely forget that, at least once a game, he will take the snap and proceed to re- enact every Nordberg scene from The Naked Gun. By the way, Jameis has been the showcase star of this season’s Hard Knocks. Here he is killing a cockroach while it’s mating: Technically, that’s ALSO sexual assault.

And here he is acting like Taylor Swift in the front row of an award show: I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say that Jameis Winston may not be the most genuine (or mature) fellow in the world. Fresh off beating the rap, he had the balls to lecture a group of schoolgirls about being silent, polite, and gentle. Fuck his phony ass with a pirate flag. Thankfully, the Bucs imported a MENTOR to help him become 5. That’s right. It’s Harvard Man, in the flesh! I could be dead in the ground 5. I swear that Ryan Fitzpatrick could still be holding down an NFL roster spot for no reason whatsoever.

This team now has not one, but TWO Harvard grads on the roster. I swooooon at the potential for elevated sideline discourse. Sci Fi Movies Dvd Murder On The Orient Express (2017). Just sipping some Gatorade and discussing the impact on South China Sea trade routes should a preemptive strike in North Korea take place . Yes, after trading up to draft Roberto Aguayo in the second round, the Bucs had to cut him and replace him with Nick Folk.

That’s what you get for FSU- ifying half the roster. No one should ever let this team forget about the Aguayo draft bust. This was already one of the worst picks in draft history before they released the poor bastard. They should put a monument to the trade next to the stadium bathroom.

GM Jason Licht should have to walk around with a sandwich board that says I TOOK A KICKER IN THE SECOND ROUND LIKE A MORON all day long.“I’m owning up to it by releasing him. It was a bold move and it didn’t work out. I don’t know what else to say.” “Bold” isn’t the word I’d use there, amigo. Elsewhere on the roster, De. Sean Jackson is here!

On paper, the arrival of Jackson and absolute stud TE OJ Howard (drafted to replace the drunk driver they originally had at that slot) make the Bucs one of the best young passing teams in football. But, as someone who has watched De. Sean Jackson over the years, I can assure you that every accidental fumble Winston makes is one that Jackson can make deliberately. Doug Martin was suspended for the first four games for Adderall, and will be suspended four more after he beats my ass for screaming MUSCLE HAMSTER at him from a nearby balcony. Mike Evans drops passes as swiftly as he drops visible Anthem protests.

One of the linemen dined and dashed on a five- figure club tab. What has always sucked: Miko Grimes claimed that she deliberately got her husband cut in Miami so he could come to Tampa. You played yourself, lady. Only an idiot would scheme to leave the glistening shores of South Beach to go to live in the middle of a Dog the Bounty Hunter fancon. She must have thought she could avoid the tax man there. I may be biased here because a jury of Tampa tattoo artists bankrupted this site’s former company, but for real, Fuck Tampa.

Tampa is the Arizona of Florida. Tampa is a seething mass of divorcees and wannabe pirates deliberately living in the cheesiest possible area. The Bucs stadium isn’t even the most popular building on its block (that honor goes to Mons Venus). There’s a reason that Jon Gruden has a completely unironic love of Hooters. That’s 1. 00 percent Tampa right there.

I’m surprised they don’t blare Hoobastank from air raid signals all day long. I took my family to Tampa for Spring Break once.

Seagulls tried to eat our dinner every night and some lady brought an entire hi- fi system to the pool so she could play Bon Jovi. Tampa is the worst. It’s the only city in America aiming to REDUCE mass transit. Nazis are everywhere. Local sports teams had to give money just to get a Confederate statue taken down and it still hasn’t been taken down.

A local middle school tried to sell kids a $1. The Scientologists are the most normal people there. Fuck Tampa eternally. VIVA GAWKER, MOTHERFUCKER.

What might not suck: They’re good enough on offense to score 4. Did you know? HEAR IT FROM BUCS FANS! Matthew: Robert Aguayo. Robert Aguayo. Robert Aguayo.

Anton: There is nothing worse than waiting for decades for your team to get a potentially elite QB and then have him be an alleged rapist. Who tells groups of young girls they need to shut up and let the men lead. Alex: Fuck Josh Freeman. Joseph: In two season Jameis will be the Bucs all=time leader in passing yards, surpassing Vinny fucking Testaverde. Jeb Lund: The problem with Why Your Team Sucks is that, every year, I strive to think of something uniquely bad about the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, some suck- property that grounds the team athletically and geographically in a characteristic awfulness that other people can point to and say, “I get why thisteam blows.”But I’m starting to think that’s misguided, like writing a negative review of a flat, sad Big Mac. It’s a mediocrity expected, universal and unenlightening, as dissatisfying as you want it to be, assuming you need to buy it at all. Apart from the pirate ship, Raymond James Stadium is unlovely in the way most stadiums are unlovely.

It’s not exiled to some featureless exurban hinterland, but it’s not in a downtown core accessible to walking or convenient public transportation. Before games, the neighborhood food carts and stalls are all pleasantly above average; afterward, the hassle of finding a way to get to something else to do is what you’d expect.

Are the owners soulless profiteers using the NFL revenue stream to underwrite more exciting pursuits while relying on die- hard, underserved suckers? Does this distinguish them from most NFL owners? A Bucs fan gets grifted like everybody else. Dirk Koetter seems like every other NFL coach without a defining malignancy or singular gift—destined to answer the future announcer trivia question, “What coach last led the Bucs to the postseason?” with, “They lost in the Wild Card to Atlanta/Dallas/Green Bay/etc.” He’s Steve Mariucci with the chance to become Dennis Green.

The Fitbit Ionic Might Be the Smartwatch That Unseats Apple. After months of leaks and hints, Fibit has finally revealed its newest wrist wearable: The $3. Fitbit Ionic. Fitbit claims up to four days of battery life, a refined OS that pairs nicely with devices running i. OS, Android, and Windows, and a brand new sensor for tracking your heart rate. This smartwatch, which visually calls to mind the lovechild of an Apple Watch and a Fitbit Surge, is a natural progression for the huge wearable company.

Just last year, it snapped up notable smartwatch makers Pebble and Vector for a reported $3. And between the almost- perfect Surge and the incredibly unattractive Blaze, Fitbit has been interested in the smartwatch sector of the wearable market for a while. This is the culmination of that interest. It’s profoundly ugly—like every Fitbit that’s come before, but it could be technologically cool enough that you might not care. A smartwatch, even an unattractive one, makes sense for Fitbit right now.

According to IDC, Fitbit’s market share plummeted over the last year leading the former number one wearable brand to drop to third place in market share behind Apple and Chinese tech titan Xiaomi. While you won’t find a Xiaomi fitness tracker or smartwatch on many wrists in America, you will find the Apple Watch. Here in New York, I see a few on wrists every single day as I commute into work. Yet, while Fitbit has seen its marketshare shrink, the company still claims to have over 5.

It’s down, but not out, and clearly hopes that the Ionic will help turn things around. When it comes to style it can’t hope to beat Google and its myriad of partners in the fashion world. It’s big bezel and sharp angles can’t even beat the gentle curves of an Apple Watch. The Apple Watch, by virtue of being Apple- made, is something of a fashion accessory now. The Ionic will likely be too big and square to accomplish the same feat. So one way Fitbit is hoping to distinguish itself is by focusing on what it does best: Fitness. To that end. Fitbit claims it’s built an incredible accurate new heartrate sensor.

The current Fitbits use its Pure. Pulse system which is an optical heartrate sensor using green lights that rapidly flash across the skin allowing and sensor to detect the pulse of a person’s blood flow. This is the de facto method for detecting the heartrate on the wrist. With the Ionic, Fitbit is introduces a new “triwave color sensor” that uses a combination of red, green, and infrared lights to detect bloodflow. How well it detects it, and whether it is more accurate than previous Fitbit devices or the Apple Watch remains to be seen. For the fitness focused, the Ionic is also water resistant up to 5.

GPS, has swappable bands so you don’t have to look like a gym goober all day, and can automatically detect when you exercise and when you stop exercising—useful if you jog with a dog. And with a claimed four days of battery life, it could certainly do that. Battery life has long been one of the things holding smartwatches back from more widespread adoption. They can handle a day of constant use, but generally crap out early into day two. Meanwhile, the Ionic loaner Fitbit provided us on Thursday, which is running an early build of the software and nowhere near representative of the final product, was at 5.

That’s more than three days of wear, whilst constantly checking my heart rate, and more importantly, polling my phone for notifications. Over the last few years, Fitbit has gotten pretty good at delivering notifications to your wrist, but it’s just not as good at it as wristables running watch. OS or Android Wear.

The Ionic could, potentially, change that. It allows for call, text, and calendar notifications. Theoretically, it can handle notifications from other apps as well, and I managed to get it to work with three of the other apps on my phone. Besides notifications (and the option for different watch faces) another big smartwatch must the Ionic has is an NFC chip for cardless payments at retailers. At launch it is expected to work with Mastercard, Visa, and American Express—though Fitbit insists its working with banks for better interoperability. But the best smartwatch feature coming to a Fitbit device are apps. Fitbit is going to launch a gallery where developers can add their own apps and watch faces for anyone to download.

Apps will be subject to a review process and coded using Javascript and SVR. They’re expected to be designed in Fitbit Studio, a new web- based tool, similar to the one the defunct Pebble used to rapidly build a library of apps. In fact Tomas Sarlandie, Fitbit’s Software Engineering Director, told journalists at a recent briefing that Studio had already been seeded to select former Pebble developers in the hopes that they’d develop for the new Fitbit OS platform.

And Fitbit had better cross its fingers they do, because at launch there will be exactly four non- Fitbit apps available on the Ionic: a Starbucks, Accuweather, cycling app Strava, and Pandora. Those are meager options, but the Pandora one could be nifty, as it will allow you to take Pandora offline and onto the watch’s 2. GB of storage space (provided you have a Plus or Premium Pandora account).

There’s no Spotify, or Google or Apple Music, so if you don’t want to listen to Pandora you’ll need to side load your own music. All of it will play via Bluetooth headphones, including the pair Fitbit itself is launching around the same time. The Fitbit Flyer are wireless Bluetooth headphones that Fitbit claims have six hours of playtime in them, compatibility with all available digital assistants, audio prompts for connectivity and battery life, and a small selection of wings, tips, and fins to help you find a better fit.

The Fitbit Flyer wireless earbuds will retail for $1. Fitbit Ionic will retail for a whopping $3. That’s not a super competitive price, but it’s cheaper than the better looking watches on Android Wear and priced the same as the super successful Apple Watch—which is rumored to have its own update coming in September. The Fitbit Ionic starts shipping in October 2.