Why Your Team Sucks 2. Philadelphia Eagles.

Some people are fans of the Philadelphia Eagles. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Philadelphia Eagles. This 2. 01. 7 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group. Read all the previews so far here. Your team: Philadelphia Eagles. Your 2. 01. 6 record: 7- 9. I promise you that will not stop these fans from thinking that they’re poised to go 1.

Philly fans talk a good hate game, but secretly they’re the most gullible marks in the world. Your coach: Doug Pederson, who always looks like he’s about to offer you a hamburger off his grill. Pederson is only in his second season and yet—bizarrely—he’s already on the hot seat and being treated as a placeholder body (just like when he was a QB!) by football ops guy and possible Stephen Miller body double Howie Roseman: Doug stayed to the side. Doug did not speak unless spoken to first. Doug did not assert.

Doug confirmed. Doug nodded in agreement. Doug deferred. Doug did not betray or reveal any contributions to the research and scouting and thought process that went into each draft pick, because Doug is not Andy Reid or Chip Kelly or Bill Belichick or any number of head coaches who act or have acted as the nerve centers for their respective teams.

This was Roseman and Douglas’ show, their exchanged glances and the awkward anecdotes about their collaboration reaffirming how closely they had worked together and how relatively small Pederson’s role had been. That seems healthy. Why can’t this team have a NORMAL relationship with its coach? There’s less jockeying for power in the White House, for shit’s sake. Your quarterback: Dakota Boy. This guy and his fucking hunting trips.

It shouldn’t come as a huge surprise that Apple’s once ambitious self-driving car project is no longer ambitious. The New York Times reports that the company has. Good morning! Welcome to The Morning Shift, your roundup of the auto news you crave, all in one place every weekday morning. Here are the important stories you need. Learn how to do just about everything at eHow. Find expert advice along with How To videos and articles, including instructions on how to make, cook, grow, or do.

I’ve really, truly had enough. We get it, kid. You like to hunt. You’re a COUNTRY BOY OOOOOOOH. Congrats on being every baseball player ever. If there were such a thing as karma, one of Carson Wentz’s own linemen would have accidentally blasted his foot off. It’s like someone took the worst parts of JJ Watt and made a QB out of it.

• We already knew that Project Titan, what Apple was calling their build-a-car project, was a total shitshow. In fact, in a previous story about Apple’s automotive.
• Some people are fans of the Philadelphia Eagles. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Philadelphia Eagles. This 2017 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those.
• Some people are fans of the Dallas Cowboys. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Dallas Cowboys. This 2017 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the.
• Smartwatches have long felt like a gadget in search of a purpose. However, it seems the Boston Red Sox have finally discovered one thing they are actually good at.

Meanwhile, Wentz’s game log from last season read like someone charted declining literacy rates in Bridesburg. He was the Second Coming for three games and then proceeded to suck. If he were black, people would have said they finally got tape on him. Divx Avi Ipod Fantastic Beasts And Where To Find Them (2016) more. But because he’s white and hunts, he’ll get another 1.

Bible- humping jackass. Backing up Wentz is whatever’s left of Nick Foles’s confidence. What’s new that sucks: It’s a hallmark of Howie Roseman’s tenure that any time this team shows a whiff of promise, they must instantly go into WIN NOW OR ELSE IT’S EVERYONE ELSE’S FAULT BUT HOWIE’S mode. Hence bringing in Alshon Jeffery (hurt already), Torrey Smith, Chris Long, Timmy Jernigan, and Le. Garrette Blount, who is worthless any time he isn’t playing for New England. One step out of Massachusetts and the man magically gains 6.

Today, they traded away Jordan Matthews and are left with the only group of wideouts on earth who drop more passes than he does. All of this is destined to fail. These are the Eagles. You should know this by now. However, the city of Philadelphia is currently in the grip of a strange disease brought on by the failed former general manager of the city’s most hapless sports franchise. Now every hapless Philly team is spouting TRUST THE PROCESS like a bunch of braindead goons.

Pederson said it. Roseman said it. As if you should ever trust the process of any Philly team. Have you MET Philadelphia?

This is where promise goes to die. You guys are the same sorry bunch of meat- breathing losers you’ve always been, and the Eagles are still run by the same office politician who brought you the Vince Young/Nnamdi Asomugha Dream Team. The last supposed visionary this team employed got shoved out of town after less than three years of service. But give these people a white redneck at QB and suddenly they’re all sunshine and rainbows. What a load. There’s every possibility that Wentz will struggle in his second season, and the defense will blow, after which everyone will chuck their patience and start screaming for blame. And you know what? That’s for the best.

It’s like seeing John Daly in a tuxedo. IS IT SOMETHING IN THE WOODER? Literally every Eagles fan is a racist bald guy in a Buddy Ryan- era jersey. What has always sucked: Jeff Lurie is the exact kind of billionaire liberal fundraiser raconteur that deserves to be sealed in an oil tanker.

He can hang with Spielberg and talk a big game about putting a nacho compost pile in the corner of the Linc, but he’s just as much of a humorless, dictatorial bastard as the rest of them: Fuck him. As for Philly, no one who talks about it as an up- and- coming the city has ever been west of 4. Street. Philly’s subway system literally goes up and down just three streets, and until less than a year ago it used tokens. Hd Quality All Saints (2017) Watch here. Now there’s a new pass system, and it’s very simple, but in perfect Philly fashion, everyone is too stupid to understand even that somehow, which is why everyone thinks it sucks. The stadiums are in a shitty, out of the way giant parking lot that is walkable to nothing except the hulking Xfinity Live supermeatheadbar.

Philly’s big culinary creations are the complicated concoctions of “hot meat and cheese on bread” and “cold meat and cheese on bread.” There is, for some reason, a giant dude in the skyline. There is, for some other reason, a statue of a fictional boxer that is one of the city’s top tourist attractions. The humidity is approximately 2. And the Eagles are somehow even worse. Since Mc. Nabb left, the only good moments the Eagles have had were directed by a fat little idiot from college alongside a dog killer. And the racist fans didn’t like Mc.

Nabb, the best QB the team has ever had, anyway. The new- ish stadium is somehow a worse place to watch a game than the toilet the team used to play in, and every year they sign free agents who bomb.

They’re never going to win a Super Bowl. Serves you all right. You people think eating at a gas station is the height of cuisine. Did you know? Amoroso rolls are the new batteries. There really isn’t anything else to write.

Enjoy the perfect timing in this slice of today’s. Andy: Temple University football has won more championship trophies at Lincoln Financial Field than the Eagles have. Justin: The best QBs in this teams modern era have been Randall Cunningham, Donovan Mc. Nabb and Michael Vick - all guys I’ve heard described in the parking lot as quarterbacks who “could not read a defense.” Now everyone is happy with Flacco Jr. Mark: They make the Phillies look like they have potential, make the Flyers look like they have nice fans and make the Sixers look smart. Joe: Kellyanne Conway.

David: Our idiot mouth breathing fans and lazy sports radio hosts love to talk about defensive end Brandon Graham like he’s an all- pro. Graham had 5. 5 sacks last year. Sean: I’m an Eagles fan, and I hate 9. Eagles fans. Philly citizenry buy the most sweatpants in America.

Ian: I searched my gmail outbox for “Philadelphia Eagles” to make sure I wasn’t submitting anything I’d sent in previous years. I found the following outgoing subject lines, presented chronologically: 1.

I hate life 1. They are dead to me 4/2. I’ll kill you 5/1/0. Oh fuck 6/2. 9/0. I owe you an apology 1. There were two people in feet costumes behind Rex Ryan at the game yesterday 1/1.

Football Sunday? Absolutely not 4/2.

Fucking TEBOW? Challenging a 2- yard reception in the 3rd quarter of a game so that instead of 2nd and 8 it was 2nd and 1. Matt: The best QB in team history threw- up during our only Super Bowl appearance in my lifetime (I’m almost 3. WR on a team that employed Todd Pinkston having to call a play in the huddle. We let FRED- EX call a play in the Super Bowl. William: Two seasons ago my Dad and I went to see the Eagles play Miami. Seated behind us were three of the most miserable human beings on the planet, who provided running commentary throughout the game.

Apple Wanted To Replace Cars' Wheels With Balls. Apple, a company you may be aware of from their Pippin game console, until fairly recently had some very ambitious autonomous car plans. Ambitious in the sense that they were planning to build a whole car. Last year, those plans were drastically scaled back, and a recent New York Times article gives some interesting insights as to why. Good morning! Welcome to The Morning Shift, your roundup of the auto news you crave, all in one.

In fact, in a previous story about Apple’s automotive ambitions, it was stated that: Inside Apple, employees recently described the company’s efforts to build a car as a project lacking vision and in complete disarray. The recent layoffs, followed by Apple’s pursuit of talent and expertise from outside companies, are part of the company’s effort to “reboot” the project, said people with knowledge of the layoffs.

What this recent article gives now is a bit more insight into what Apple had been thinking during the development and eventual failure of Project Titan. Five unnamed sources who worked on or were close to the project spoke with the Times, and what they described seems familiar to those who’ve been watching Apple for decades: novel, ground- up rethinking, a focus—almost fetish—for clean design, and a desire to radically transform the way people interact with machines. This time, though, unlike for desktop computer interfaces, music players, or smartphones, it didn’t really work. My favorite bit from the story is this part: Apple even looked into reinventing the wheel. A team within Titan investigated the possibility of using spherical wheels — round like a globe — instead of the traditional, round ones, because spherical wheels could allow the car better lateral movement.

So, yeah, Apple was literally trying to re- invent the wheel. And not just any wheel, but Minority Report (or maybe i. Robot?)- Audi- style spherical wheels.

Now, Apple’s not wrong, as such—spherical wheels absolutely would make for better lateral movement. But what Apple fundamentally wasn’t used to was building products that have ramifications beyond just being cool or working better or worse. A car can kill you, and, generally, an i. Phone or i. Pad really can’t. When it comes to taking a radical, out- of- the- box look at something like the wheels a car uses to go, steer, and stop, you can’t just focus- group test it like a touchscreen and decide if it’s a cool innovation or not.

You have to really, really test it, push it to its limits, see how it fails and when, and understand that if it does, people die. And that’s not even considering all of the DOT regulations and testing a spherical wheel system would have to go through before getting approval. Other aspects of Project Titan seem to have had a similar approach: From the beginning, the employees dedicated to Project Titan looked at a wide range of details. That included motorized doors that opened and closed silently. They also studied ways to redesign a car interior without a steering wheel or gas pedals, and they worked on adding virtual or augmented reality into interior displays.

The team also worked on a new light and ranging detection sensor, also known as lidar. Lidar sensors normally protrude from the top of a car like a spinning cone and are essential in driverless cars. Apple, as always focused on clean designs, wanted to do away with the awkward cone. All of these things—motorized doors, control- free interiors with augmented reality displays, Lidar without the funny party hat—all of these things could be cool and novel and possibly even disruptive to what people understand a car to be, but Apple simply wasn’t in a position to execute any of them. The fundamental reason why is that, as far as I can tell, Apple never really respected the very important differences between developing a piece of consumer electronics and a car. The difference isn’t one of scale, as I suspect Apple felt; it’s an entirely different thing.

A car isn’t like most consumer electronic devices like a phone or a laptop because it’s really a colony of many, many devices, all working together. A modern car has networks of computers, a mobile shelter complete with interior design and furniture, a complex prime mover that transforms chemical energy from a fuel tank or a battery into rotational motion, a system to suspend and guide the whole two- ton mass, and has to be able to be whisked around at high speeds, over bumps, through rain, and then left outside for years at a time and still work. Apple has made some incredible products over the years, but a laptop is simply not a car. I think Apple’s (well- earned) hubris made them gloss over this difference, and when they finally realized that they’re not a car company, it was really too late.

There were other disagreements within the team, like the question of how much autonomy makes sense: There was disagreement about whether Apple should develop a fully autonomous vehicle or a semiautonomous car that could drive itself for stretches but allow the driver to retake control. Steve Zadesky, an Apple executive who was initially in charge of Titan, wanted to pursue the semiautonomous option.

But people within the industrial design team including Jonathan Ive, Apple’s chief designer, believed that a fully driverless car would allow the company to reimagine the automobile experience, according to the five people.. Now, they’ve accepted that they’ll let a company with decades of experience (or at least an understanding of the scales involved) building cars, and Apple will focus just on the underlying self- driving technology. Apple is currently developing an autonomous shuttle based on a conventional car platform which they call PAIL (Palo Alto to Infinite Loop) that will serve as a testbed for their tech and shuttle their employees to work. This is a more reasonable direction for Apple, though, as surprising as it is to say out loud (or at least type), I actually think Apple should look into releasing their own car. Now, I don’t think the car should be totally developed at Apple—that’s proven to be a dead end—but I think they should leverage what they’re best at for a car of their own: design and user experience. If Apple were to, say, buy chassis from Tesla and put their own bodies on the chassis and operating systems in that body, they could potentially have a winner.

It could be a car that looked and felt like an Apple product, but all of the important, needing- government- approval, hard- to- engineer mechanical parts would already be developed. Really, Apple’s strength is in the front end, the part the consumer interacts with. When Apple switched from the Power. PC architecture to the Intel x. Macs still felt like Macs, even if their internal guts were essentially the same as any Windows PC out there. This is no different.

Apple should make their car, but just the parts that Apple’s customers care about, which is not under the hood. So, Apple’s not going to make their own car, which is a good idea. But, if they’re smart, they should at least look into making their own car on someone else’s car, because I think that could be an even better idea.